I’m surrounded by pregnant women or women who have recently had babies. Since my son was born when I was 19 I was the only person in my circle that had a child. Now that I’m in my 30s a lot of the people in my life are starting or adding to their families. My sister just had one (yippee!), my friends Brian & Kelley are within a month of their due date, Dash is almost 5 months old and Petra is 18 months old! There are really too many to name them all. The reason I bring this up though is that I cried the whole way home from my home group this evening. It is a difficult thing to explain but my arms feel empty and my very womb aches to have a baby. God blessed me with an affinity for children – especially infants – and a way with them as well. My aunt Ro told me this weekend that when I’m in the vicinity of a child my whole face changes and it is obvious that I am enchanted. My nerves are rarely scratched raw by a crying baby. It is absolutely therapeutic for me to just sit and hold a sleeping child. I wouldn’t begrudge lost hours of sleep to tending to an infant even if he or she wasn’t mine. But I’m about as far away from being able to have a child as I could possibly be. And I see all these women, who I adore, with this one thing I want more than anything. I don’t want to be envious of them…
So I have to ask myself – why is it that I am so far away from this dream of mine? Why doesn’t God think that now is a good time to head in that direction? And then I ask God these same questions. Sometimes I get angry. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes (but not often) I sigh in relief. But I don’t have any answers and God is staying pretty silent on this topic too.
Maybe it’s not that God’s not answering, but that you’re not seeing his response.
Perhaps your calling is to be directly involved in loving babies. Have you looked into supporting the NICU? Or something of that nature?
(((Hugs)))
I can relate to the part abouu having a child of my own! I hang out with the kids of friends at TNL and at times I wish I had my own. It seems that everyone younger or older then me are having babies. My cousin who is 19 is having a baby (saw first ultra sound pics monday) and another cousin who lives in TN is having a baby.
I keep praying for God’s will about marrying the right person and having a child. to be honest I get jealous and envious but O know God will work it all out. Thanks for sharing!
Sometimes, when I think that God is being silent, it means I need to wait still for his answer. His timing and not mine.
I am new here to you. I found you through Ash. I like your blog.